Testing,1,2,3...

This is my attempt at a blog. I'm using this as more of a journal than anything else. This post won't be much,just that its 2:56 on the 20th of Feb. I'm now 27 years old. I'm a little scared,a little relieved and very,very amazed. I never really thought I would make to this age.

Born 3 months too early, I had more than just a rough start. my lungs were underdeveloped. I had
cerebral palsy on my side. I stayed the 1st 3 months of my life in a incubator because I forgot to breathe. I was diagnosed with arthritis at age 4,had many surgeries on my right leg to try and ease pain and to keep me from falling by the time I was 14. At 15, my sister's husband raped me.

This event triggered manic depression. It has not gone away. I was genetically predisposed to this disease, inheriting it from both parents. This is the reason I am amazed to still be here. I tried to kill myself more than once. I was gone for 5 mins until a team of doctors pulled me back after over dosing on pain medication.

I felt the rape,the stress of the investigation,the stress of my sister not allowing my mother to see her grandchildren was my fault (in essence my rape split my family down the middle. me,mom and Dad on one side. my mother's family on the other), would go away and things would be better if I wasn't here anymore.

My brother in law had served in jail for the molestation of two of his former step daughters while in Florida before he met my sister. He met my sister at 16 when He was 30. She married him, and when the truth of the rape came out, She chose him. She believed him. His written confession,medical evidence and his serving jail time for this crime did nothing to convince Her that I was the victim. She is still with him. While finally beginning to lead a 'normal' life again, I was hit again with tragedy. My mother died suddenly of a heart attack.

I now was living with just my dad. Who, suffering from severe mental illness had been abusive to both my sister and I . He just didn't have that switch that tells someone that beating your child is not discipline.

I moved out at 19. I bought my house at 21. To the amazement of my high school friends and their parents. There were two sets of parents that were very proud of me.They knew my history,knew what I had gone through. Their support helped,a lot. After finally leaving a boy I'd been with 6 years because I finally saw his abuse for what it was, I spent about 2 years just kinda wondering if I would ever marry,just kinda existing. Then I had a interesting night with a friend who I'd always thought was a great guy.

Two years go by, very happily. I'd been seeing this wonderful person for those two years. He helped establish me in self esteem. Something I don't think I ever had. On st Patrick's day 2008,He asked me to marry him. I,crying with pure joy,said yes. We married in a beautiful,small chapel with stained glass windows by his family's priest.

And now, Life seems good.Really good. And my thoughts turn toward having children. My husband and I talk about six. Everyone, my father,his parents,his siblings ask are you expecting yet? I know we will be at some point. Soon. I couldn't be more happier with that thought.

That is why,while sitting here,unable to sleep, amazed at turning 27, I know life will be continue to be good. Sure there will be downs just as well as ups. But its incredibly better now,than what I once knew.